Alice, Where are You Going? Part II

"Alice, Where are you going?" 

"Upstairs, to take a bath"

Alice, with legs like toothpicks and a neck like a giraffe-raff-raff...

Alice pulled out the plug.

"Oh my goodness! Oh my soul! There goes Alice down the hole.."

"blub, blub, blub." 

Daffy Was the One With a Bill

If I start writing this , I probably won't go back to sleep. That idea is still a possibility...it is 3:33 am..my alarm is set for 6..but 6:33 is still doable. Hmm..nope, guess not. I shouldn't have made coffee.

My hubby is home, arrived yesterday right after me and the kids came back from dinner and grocery shopping. I was proud of myself that I had already started homemade chicken noodle. My poor honey has the flu, which I gave him last week.  I was even happier that I did buy the rotisserie chicken. It finished it off nicely. I am really hoping his strain hasn't mutated..or that he ends up with pneumonia, again. He has a history with that. I had a boss that had the same problem, she developed it anytime she caught a cold. All I can say to that one is karma is a bitch sometime. I told you I wasn't a saint...LOL.

I am not sure who me or my husband wronged in a previous life. We have had a bit more than our fair share of medical issues...and now can add psychological ones as well. I have always believed mind, body, and soul are intertwined. With my present therapy this becomes truer every day. I can't explain the techniques we use and am not going to even try to. It really does help, so far. Though I still think psychology is a necessary "evil"  kind of dirty science. So all therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists etc. are a bit suspect and shady...especially when they are being nice. I laugh here.

I love Sociology. It is so much cleaner and clear-cut. I had a beyond awesome teacher for it, and while I could use a review. I have used it,  over and over in my life and seen it in action, first hand. I love the idea of being a circle and having everything  interact with circles, friends, family, neighborhood, interests. Face book is a big social global circle and keeps expanding..that makes me smile. Even if it is run by 'evil' aliens who force changes that nobody likes, wants or understands..OMG, lol. I could do without the virus attacks there too.

I saw a cardiologist on Wednesday..really really liked him which helps. My low blood pressure is still having its occasional drops..which makes no sense as I practically live on caffeine..for years and years. I have been addicted to nicotine for over 30 years. I crave sweets/sugar and salt..olives, pickles, pepperocini are my top favorite foods, plus nuts, sesame anything, and sunflower seeds. Chocolate is its own food group, and "white" chocolate is a fake and not included. Blcch! My b.p. should be through the roof. Instead, I barely make it over a 100 for the top reading. He said all the drugs I played with may have damaged my heart. Huh! Who would have thought..! Or that I already had some type of damage that I was born with. Go figure. Tests..always more tests..the one requires no food, drink, including coffee, or any drugs/smokes for at least 6 Hours prior..some parts are 24. Wow.. still don't know about that one.

Of course this all costs. I have already met my deductible for the year, and have to get pre-approval on everything else. It is February. I am not sure what the cap is..*sigh. I really can't afford to be crazy or ill. Donations are welcome, jk, lolol.. kind of. I admit I am whining a bit. I am so thankful I don't have cancer, diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, epilepsy, etc. there is a very big long list. I know or knew people who do/did. Some died from their conditions. God rest their souls...I miss them. Some fight daily against chronic pain/ and a whole plethora of evil symptoms. I pray for them.

My first hernia surgery was without insurance and cost us $50,000. I still think the surgeon took out my appendix so he could charge more. Jerk! It took us almost 7 years to pay it off...plus other medical for me, my hubby and kids. Now we are paying off a pool. I'd rather pay for the pool, much more fun and useful.

The next level? Oh bite me..no, not really. I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave and make everyone healthy on all levels. Physical, mental, and spiritual..it's a wish. The world would end up being very boring or hmm... not even sure. I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.

Daffy was the one with the bill, Elmer was the one with a gun, and Bugs..Bugs Bunny was always the smart one or the smart-ass. Lol, maybe it was all those carrots.."What's up, Doc?"

Thanks for reading as always, TTYAL  Good health and prosperity to you all.

Wet Mud

"You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade."

 This was a post from a new friend from my Face book..so sweet! We are all more..it isn't a+b= x-y   not for life. The equation, which I am sure there is one.. is so complex and out of  our range of scope ...and is constantly changing and evolving. That's why I love the music, music is mathematical, but also very very human and filled with the sound of the world we live in. Even hearing-impaired people can feel it...especially a live performance.

I worked at the Rosemont for a little while, not that much fun really, our beer stand had a bad location under the stairs. I had to laugh at all the people though, the fact that a Sinatra concert had the majority of the crowd take the elevator...for 1 floor and everyone wanted wine, instead of beer. That a Queensryche concert gave us a 1 beer minimum..it was ususally 4(?)..and a personal cop checking IDs. They went up the stairs 2 at a time or more..lol or down the banister and into the wall. That a concert, didn't know the group.. for Mexican-Americans brought more people with familia dressed in the craziest clothes I have ever seen and the best tip money ever..with the nicest manners and biggest enthusiasm. The band rocked..!

You remake yourself piece by piece every day, sometimes large..I am NOT going to jump off this bridge, sometimes small..I am going to build a leggo bridge with my toddler..so he can knock it over again and again. He laughs every single time, and in a few more years he won't remember..but he will know your laugh. A small bit of music he has heard and associates with fun, excitement and love.

 Problems, mistakes, choices...we all screw up. Sometimes we don't get caught and get away with it, sometimes our best deeds are unintentional. I smiled at the little old lady not because she was sweet, which she was... but because I had just found 20 bucks..mine, mine, mine. That maybe was the only smile she had gotten for weeks, and cheered her for days..who knows?

I re-made myself..from where I started..and re-made myself again...and again..and again..not changing the whole me, but trying to find a me I could look at and accept, respect, like. I did okay, far from perfect, but okay..now I am finding ways to integrate all those past selves into one whole person without the fear, or embarrassment, or stigma's. LOL, and still keep a sense of humor about the journey and the process..

The next level? I am not giving too many details yet, there are other people I still protect. But as a whole or for me, it doesn't take much effort to smile on purpose, to stop looking at your watch, to look at a sunset, to forgive the old lady at Wal-greens who can't scan 2 items without getting confused..to eat a healthy salad, go for a walk, to turn off the TV, X-box, Wii, etc and give your kids a hug..they will not reciprocate. lol, yet. Paying it forward and sideways..never knowing where it might lead. You are more than.. aren't we all?