"I'm not Angry, I'm just.."

I need a new life..or to improve the one I have.

This past couple of weeks has been full of disasters. The bombing at the Boston marathon, the explosion in West Texas, the flooding, rain and snow in the Mid-West, and the earthquake in China. There is a few other ones that I didn't mention or don't know about. The deaths, maimings, damage makes me sad, whether manmade or a natural occurrence.

There was a book I read once where the main character has had horribly tragic things happen, and is upset to realize that the sun still rises. That while her entire life has been forever altered, the world still goes on. It does.

For me, I feel like a schmuck. I have so many resources and opportunities available to me. I don't use the majority of any of them but instead moan about boredom, housework, kids, marriage. It seems all so trivial, but this is my life. The life I made through the choices I made and still keep making.

Most of life really isn't all that exciting.

Or at least mine isn't. I am laughing here a bit. I tend to find myself amusing. My son points out that I laugh at things all the time that aren't funny. I retort with the fact that it all depends on how you look at it.

I am still bored. Sorry.

I am having up and downs with my new eating patterns, the no-gluten rule is very difficult. I miss my fluffy white carbohydrates. I love cake, pie, bread, rolls, cookies, muffins, and chocolate. Not having my soda and drinking water instead, okay. I crave it at times, but *sigh. It isn't good for me.

I broke out in this horribly itchy rash all over my chin and going down my neck. I actually went to a doctor to try to figure out what it was. No luck on a diagnosis, but the medicated creme worked, so wahoo! The doctor telling me that the best solution to my overly-sensitive skin was to move back to Sweden or Europe where the bulk of my ancestors come from? Okay, hah-hah funny, but really not so helpful.

Levels..hmm. I have managed not to strangle either of my children or shoot anyone.(This is a joke, kind of.) I haven't bombed anyone either. Why? Why would you want to do that? It makes absolutely no freaking sense to me.

I have hated people, but wow. Or maybe it isn't hate but an indifference. To intentionally try to harm folks that you don't even know seems pointless. To cause fear? I think all terrorists, hmm.. no. I don't want to know the answer to that.

Spring started happening here and then took a backslide. It is back on track now, so I am planting again. It is so nice to have a garden. I love flowers of all kinds, and fresh grown fruits and vegetables are unsurpassed. I am not a great gardener. I tend to just plant, water, pray, fertilize and hope. It always seem like a small miracle when the plants actually do grow and thrive. I try very hard to not take it personally when they don't.

I have steps to take, and every day I try to keep "doing" towards my goals. Some days are phenomenal, others are ..not so much. My life, my choices, it isn't so bad after all.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. I still don't understand why I enjoy writing these, but I am glad that I do have an audience. I'll try to post a song and upload a picture. I pray that you all have at least one beautiful day, it doesn't really change anything. It changes everything.

 This is Second Chance by Shinedown, I am sure I have played it before, it is one of those forever songs that resonates with me. I don't have any ownership rights or any permissions to use the music or lyrics, so they will probably block it.

TTYAL.