"Make babies or make art"

We celebrated my son's birthday today, which was good and bad. I wasn't prepared. I have been so tired. I can think of a dozen more excuses. He invited friends over at 12..yikes. I got to meet one of the mother's. Awesome! She stayed with the boys while I went to the store and got pizzas and a card, and a cake, plus a few other things. The boys played videos and a violent game of hide-and seek, some left and came back, others came. We had a bonfire outside and made s'mores. I think everyone kind of burnt out early.

None of the boys stayed for an overnighter, some had a choice. Most didn't. Max had a bit of a meltdown but was then ok. I have to admit I am secretly glad they didn't stay. I am exhausted. I know I would have more energy and feel better if I keep moving. I am not doing very well with that at all. I have been sleeping on-and-off again. I ate a healthy salad yesterday and just about killed everybody with gas attacks today. So embarrassing. No, that isn't why the boys didn't stay. Funny. LOL

I am still feeling the warmth and glow from my last post. So much positivity! I am back down-to-earth more today. My Mom sent me a whole box of hmmm.. some are pictures which I mostly have. Some our paper printed copies, which really don't do me a whole lot of good. The rest was a collection of letters I wrote over a period of about 5 years to friends and pen pals, etc. The rest is a collection of letters I think from my Grandma Swenson. I never met her or my aunt either. I have talked to my cousin on (yes) Facebook. My brother has met her and was very close at one time.

 Our family was always strange, my Dad's mom and him didn't see each other for my entire life, at least. They only talked a couple of times that I knew of. My dad's brother showed up when I was in High school after a fifty year something absence. Both of my grandma's had passed on by then. My uncle and my aunt from my dad's side were next. Both of my grandpa's died before I was born.

I admit I am kind of rambling here. My thoughts seem to be all fragmented and jumbled and I feel very strange. I am straight, but I am not feeling so good. Too much sugar, I don't know. I have made an uneasy peace with certain things, which one friend told me was BS. His words were that you either have peace or you don't. I guess I don't. This is a sad thought. I told him and myself that it was the best I could do, accept it for what it was.

I have found that talking about my struggles out in the open has opened up a lot of people to me. They have shared a little bit of their stories. None of which I have any inclination or permission of repeating here. It is just heart-warming to know that I am not alone with my struggles. Other's face challenges, some  physically obvious..so many that are not. The stigma of mental illness is alive and well. Not too many years back, I could have been lobotomised, or at the very least scorned or locked away. In a few  countries I would or could be stoned to the death. Woman rights? I love America. There is other countries that have done as well or better. We still haven't had a woman president, yet. I have hope, there is so many intelligent and capable ladies out there.

A poem by Robert Zimmerman sung by Bob Dylan

I have no rights to the lyrics or quote..thanks to a friend for posting it.

I have done all of the above at one time or another...it ends well <3 tripping on life.
Thanks for listening, ttyal..levels? see above...