heads or tails..

Today, yesterday...it is funny how things can change. Not even from just day-to-day but hour-to-hour, at times, minute to minute.

Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied. Pearl S. Buck

I copied this awhile back,  thinking really? I don't think so, we make our mistakes and hopefully learn. Or we do the "right" thing and keep going. Sometimes not even knowing how close we came to disaster. Other times, we know..because we have made the same mistakes before or we knew it was wrong.

But now..got to agree with this. Choices.

Who do I want to be? What do I want to be remembered for? It is never to late to start over? LOL, sure it is..but there is a difference between starting over and transforming. Call it a re-awakening of purpose...and you are never to old to learn something new or you are old. In the worse sense of the word, closed, shut down..might as well just roll over and die and get it over with. Hell.

I am not old, but I am far from young. Half-way to somewhere..LOL.
I have been fighting my addictions, the depression, the mood-swings and my obsessive-compulsive behavior..it has become a major daily battle every day. I win at some things and lose at others. It was so tempting to get wasted tonight, drunk. That is my only choice right now..if I wanted to push it  further there's some guys on chat that would love to talk some shit. Could do that sober too. LOL.

This is harder when my hubby is gone, especially when he is gone longer. It isn't that life becomes Eden when he is here either. We have a few issues, but he is my partner, my friend, my lover, my co-parent..we have been together a long time. He still manages to amaze me.

I am too tired to write much more tonight. But, tonight I won..that split-second aha moment that said duh, don't do this...and I listened. The cravings went back inside, tamed for now.

My friends help me with this..by being themseves..lol So so much. Thanks TC, and DW and so many many others.
.

I used to have an old joke, I used when talking about my past with others. How many men did I sleep with before I met my hubby? Hmm, missed that memo. I didn't know you were supposed to count them or take names..got me hanging..your guess is as good as mine. LOL

I avoided making a mistake today, even though I made others instead. but I am ok with that.

What is your level? What do you want to be remembered for? Makes you think, huh? Good.

ttyal, good night The sun will rise tomorrow and illuminate not only the world, but also us. It should be a beautiful thing.