I have said I am going to try new directions. I posted a picture of me and my Dad. I was 3 years old at the time. I do remember this, we all wanted to go climb the "mountain" in our back yard. It really was more of a hill. It seemed to me that we climbed forever. I was the one who kept urging everyone on, we can do it, let's go, come on. We made it to the top and I remember saying "Daddy, Daddy, I made it all the way to the top!" He laughed, "Yes, you did, Laura Lee." His joke with this story was that the picture explains how I got there.
Despite all the bitterness, hate and pain of later years, I have this memory. When a little girl loved her Dad because he was her world.
My dad is a highly intelligent man with a lot of issues. His own upbringing, of what I heard of it, makes mine look like a picnic. He left home at a very early age, I think 14 and supported himself by truck-driving till he joined the Army. He served for twenty years, went through the Korean war and retired before they sent him to Vietnam. He died at one point in an Army hospital, his heart officially stopped and came back to life. He found his religion and it fulfilled an innermost part of him. He was a hard-working man who provided for his family. He also has a horrible sense of humor and enjoys the stupidest jokes. I called them "groaners".
He also had a lot of pain, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.
I do not judge anymore, and the love and hate ebb and flow in an uneasy balance. I have too many of my own issues and problems to deal with. I am grateful that I am getting the help I need. Help, that wasn't available to him at all.
I wouldn't be here today without him, and I wouldn't be the person I am despite him or because of him. We made it to the top, Dad, now I have to climb the rest of them on my own.
Some of my hardest lessons in life were sorting out what things you taught me were right...and which were dead wrong.
"Climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow, till you find your dream." the Sound of Music
TTYAL..thanks for listening.
Nobody is perfect, we all screw up..if we repeat the same mistakes over and over again, things will never change. I am learning now, how to be a better parent and not let the curse of child abuse go another generation for my sake and theirs. What can you do to let your kids know how much they mean to you? That they are loved unconditionally. It is harder and easier than you think and more rewarding.
Despite all the bitterness, hate and pain of later years, I have this memory. When a little girl loved her Dad because he was her world.
My dad is a highly intelligent man with a lot of issues. His own upbringing, of what I heard of it, makes mine look like a picnic. He left home at a very early age, I think 14 and supported himself by truck-driving till he joined the Army. He served for twenty years, went through the Korean war and retired before they sent him to Vietnam. He died at one point in an Army hospital, his heart officially stopped and came back to life. He found his religion and it fulfilled an innermost part of him. He was a hard-working man who provided for his family. He also has a horrible sense of humor and enjoys the stupidest jokes. I called them "groaners".
He also had a lot of pain, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.
I do not judge anymore, and the love and hate ebb and flow in an uneasy balance. I have too many of my own issues and problems to deal with. I am grateful that I am getting the help I need. Help, that wasn't available to him at all.
I wouldn't be here today without him, and I wouldn't be the person I am despite him or because of him. We made it to the top, Dad, now I have to climb the rest of them on my own.
Some of my hardest lessons in life were sorting out what things you taught me were right...and which were dead wrong.
"Climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow, till you find your dream." the Sound of Music
TTYAL..thanks for listening.
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