Oh what fools..duh.

I still feel like hell, this is why I say I don't drink. UGH! My hubby has been poking fun at me as he is an accomplished alcoholic. I had two Smirnoff's sour green apple malt beverages last night. That's it for the booze. I reminded my husband that I had already taken a 1/2 dose of pain meds and an anti-anxiety sleepy pill, a shot of benadryl, and heartburn medication. There is also the fact that I am now on 2 anti-depressants. Drug-free, my ass, I didn't even take this much shite when I was using every day. Of course then I would have upped everything till I wouldn't have known my own name if you asked me. Progress?

I could have really really done without the booze or pain-meds. I have my doubts about the anti-anxiety pills, they don't really calm me, just make me tired. The benadryl knocks me out and keeps me from itching..I had mosquito bites. The happy pills really do keep me from crying all the time. Why so much sadness? I don't really know, this is the stuff I try to talk to my therapist about. I admit I am frustrated with that a bit at the moment.

I have about three guys on my FB page I need to block. They annoy me. Hi beautiful, is the normal line..lolol. Are you serious? I haven't talked to any of them and won't. My other friends, two tragic deaths..people I didn't even know. I hurt for my friends knowing and feeling the pain they are in. I have three friends who are all expecting soon. Yeah! I am happy that one of my friends left her boyfriend, hopefully for good. I am hoping she is okay, she's strong, though. I have two friends who are engaged. They are so sweet.

There is more FB stuff, I am an addict remember? I feel besides my hangover's that last for days, like a fool. Repeating the mistakes I have done before, which means what? My one friend tells me that it means I am not ready for the next step. He is usually right. My other friend chastised me and suggested I break off contact. OK, I guess, I don't know. I am just so incredibly sad today. I haven't had a bowel movement in 4 days. I feel, on top of my hangover, like shit. I can't face another surgery, not now and nowhere in the immediate future. No more tests, no more BS.

Pity party? Pats On the back? What I need is the talking mirror that tells me I need to exercise, and eat right, pay attention to my kids, and gives encouragement. You are doing good not smoking, kudos for not eating that ice cream drumstick that you know will make you barf. LOL, some minions would be great, too. I am laughing at myself now, because that is what I do. It is what I have always done. I can get all serious and stupid but at a certain point. Good god, shut it already. Thanks for letting me whine about my life. I am including two pictures of Canyon Lake, AZ where we went for a boat ride today. TTYAL and have a wondrous day.

But God didn't put us here on earth just to feel good and enjoy ourselves.Craig Groeschel