Football. blah.
I am still crabby. My friends have given me good advice. Other things in my life are going very well. My incision has healed very nicely. I don't scar hardly at all. I guess this is a good thing, but I really don't care. I am still not sure what my problem is. I know I need something else to do. I need a job, or a hobby, or a ?
I do have some ideas for that but a lot depends on time and money.
I need practical parenting advice. Once again I have received a lot of good and some bad suggestions about this. I know at this point, I am not a great parent. I try not to be grumpy with my kids. They are very happy I have stopped smoking. Other things, *sigh, I wish I could take back stuff I have said and done. I did spank my kids when they were younger. I am not sure when I started losing my temper and smacking them. My daughter got the worst of this. I no longer use any type of corporeal punishment, whatsoever. I haven't in over a year plus. I crossed a line. I talk with my therapist and hubby about this.
The big problem now is I didn't have any real substitutes. I observe other people constantly, not only because they are fascinating. I also want to see how they work and function. I have done this all my life. I stand back and watch how people deal with things. Of course, with my own dealings there is the "before" and "after". If I know I am going somewhere to interact with people, I play out different scenario's in my brain. How they are going to act and say and my own responses. Afterwards, I play out all the things I could have said or done differently. This is all exhausting and rather pointless.
I have improved over the years, and try not to get ahead of myself or berate myself after, but just live in the moment. It is harder and easier than you would think. LOL. I want/crave a cigarette right now so badly. I know I won't. The choice right now would be menthol, blchh. The other option would be to take a drive and get some. Nope. Before my hypnosis, I wouldn't have even debated this. I would have been out the door as soon as I realized I was getting low. It feels really nice to be free of that compulsion.
I am not letting myself be a slave to my own brain. Whatever reasons caused my mind to function the way it does? So be it. I have a choice.
Damn straight, that quote. I have a lot of anger, fear, emotions all bottled up. It is leaking out now, or it burst out and I am trying to patch it up. I am really not sure. I don't have any answers today other than trying to be in the moment and give yourself a break. Beating yourself up about past history doesn't help anything. Thanks to the peeps who have helped me in this journey. There have been many and every one of them is awesome. I am so truly lucky to have the friends and family that I do.
My stomach is hurting now, it is from being on my butt for so long. LOL, bed-time for me. Goodnite or good morning, afternoon wherever you may be. Smile and be you :-) Thanks for listening TTYAL.
I hated rap..till now..contains R rated words..LOL. I don't own any rights to this song or words or anything.
I am still crabby. My friends have given me good advice. Other things in my life are going very well. My incision has healed very nicely. I don't scar hardly at all. I guess this is a good thing, but I really don't care. I am still not sure what my problem is. I know I need something else to do. I need a job, or a hobby, or a ?
I do have some ideas for that but a lot depends on time and money.
I need practical parenting advice. Once again I have received a lot of good and some bad suggestions about this. I know at this point, I am not a great parent. I try not to be grumpy with my kids. They are very happy I have stopped smoking. Other things, *sigh, I wish I could take back stuff I have said and done. I did spank my kids when they were younger. I am not sure when I started losing my temper and smacking them. My daughter got the worst of this. I no longer use any type of corporeal punishment, whatsoever. I haven't in over a year plus. I crossed a line. I talk with my therapist and hubby about this.
The big problem now is I didn't have any real substitutes. I observe other people constantly, not only because they are fascinating. I also want to see how they work and function. I have done this all my life. I stand back and watch how people deal with things. Of course, with my own dealings there is the "before" and "after". If I know I am going somewhere to interact with people, I play out different scenario's in my brain. How they are going to act and say and my own responses. Afterwards, I play out all the things I could have said or done differently. This is all exhausting and rather pointless.
I have improved over the years, and try not to get ahead of myself or berate myself after, but just live in the moment. It is harder and easier than you would think. LOL. I want/crave a cigarette right now so badly. I know I won't. The choice right now would be menthol, blchh. The other option would be to take a drive and get some. Nope. Before my hypnosis, I wouldn't have even debated this. I would have been out the door as soon as I realized I was getting low. It feels really nice to be free of that compulsion.
I am not letting myself be a slave to my own brain. Whatever reasons caused my mind to function the way it does? So be it. I have a choice.
"Anger cannot be ignored or repressed without causing trouble in your soul; it must be dealt with!"
Damn straight, that quote. I have a lot of anger, fear, emotions all bottled up. It is leaking out now, or it burst out and I am trying to patch it up. I am really not sure. I don't have any answers today other than trying to be in the moment and give yourself a break. Beating yourself up about past history doesn't help anything. Thanks to the peeps who have helped me in this journey. There have been many and every one of them is awesome. I am so truly lucky to have the friends and family that I do.
My stomach is hurting now, it is from being on my butt for so long. LOL, bed-time for me. Goodnite or good morning, afternoon wherever you may be. Smile and be you :-) Thanks for listening TTYAL.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.