I have been thinking about what to write for a couple of days. It tugs at my mind quite a bit. Good news first, I am still not smoking. Today was very difficult with that. I kept forgetting and would be wandering around looking for them. Then realize, duh. Other times it was a conscious thought, after I get out of the car, I used to have a smoke. After physical therapy, I used to have a smoke. Before I did my coupons, before grocery shopping, after grocery shopping. It was my reward for so many things. What a waste of time and money. I miss it, though.
I passed by smokers outside the grocery store before and after shopping. It smelled really good. LOL. D**n! As for me, I have NOT been doing so well. Whew! Physically, my intestines are still messed up, my old hernia is a bit better but not always. The new one is getting worse. I spend a lot of time in bathrooms between my digestive system and my period. It is on-and-off again, for a week now. Aaargh! I have been trying to take the iron tablet at night. It makes me very nauseated. But I figure I am going to go to sleep anyway, hopefully.
Emotionally, my kids, the puppy, FB friends, hubby and even my therapist have all helped me through some rough patches, some without realizing it. I go through the rest of it alone. This has not been good at all. I have my ladies night tomorrow and I am very excited and nervous too. They are all so sweet. I do my physical therapy every week for my neck shoulder. It has been helping quite a bit.
I am not eating right or exercising and I feel it. I feel my controls slipping and it is really pissing me off. I try to accomplish my little goals for the day, and rewards?? I am not sure. Facebook is my pleasure and my drug. I realized today I spent 12 hours on, not continually, but..yeah, So not good. I have managed to not harass my stalkee, with any messages. My obsession with him continues to baffle me. It makes no sense at all. My other stalkee has been so awesome, one of the number one things keeping me on this side of sanity. He is a god-guy, and my beliefs bother him. I think, I don't know. My sex guy flirts. I have others who flirt too or are trying too and others who are perfectly legit male friends. It is cool.
I have woman friends. Wow! All kinds, all incredible. I am so excited about seeing them, as many as I can for my reunion next year. So many things are starting to look up and I remind myself of that. Marriage counselling? Renee's as yet, non-existent Asperger's group or coach, Max, perhaps involved in a sport. For me, a part-time job and maybe an art class, or exercise..I always wanted to learn kung-fu or judo. Money...holidays coming up. Birthdays, anniversaries, Halloween...yikes. Life is here, I have to stay in the right frame of mind and just not catch it, but grab it.
My addictions, Facebook, stalking, coffee, food, sex/love, drugs, alcohol, reading, blogging, it is a continual struggle right now. I replace one thing with another. Music and God for me are forever intertwined, I am trying to live the message. I am so tired of being alone. It gets so difficult to sort between the logical response and the emotional ones. Who, which part of me, do I let take control? This scares the hell out of me, I lost five hours today. I was eating lunch, doing coupons, went shopping, came home, put a lot of stuff away and um..it is all a bit hazy. Crap.
This morning, I woke up at 4 am and facebooked and yes, other stuff too until 9:15 am...um..shite. It is now almost midnight and I am at a loss of what to do. I have to get the kids off to school tomorrow and clean/cook/wash I HATE housework.
I guess it is time for bed..sigh.
I own no rights to this song or lyrics..at all.
TTYAL..thanks for listening..comment if you like.
I passed by smokers outside the grocery store before and after shopping. It smelled really good. LOL. D**n! As for me, I have NOT been doing so well. Whew! Physically, my intestines are still messed up, my old hernia is a bit better but not always. The new one is getting worse. I spend a lot of time in bathrooms between my digestive system and my period. It is on-and-off again, for a week now. Aaargh! I have been trying to take the iron tablet at night. It makes me very nauseated. But I figure I am going to go to sleep anyway, hopefully.
Emotionally, my kids, the puppy, FB friends, hubby and even my therapist have all helped me through some rough patches, some without realizing it. I go through the rest of it alone. This has not been good at all. I have my ladies night tomorrow and I am very excited and nervous too. They are all so sweet. I do my physical therapy every week for my neck shoulder. It has been helping quite a bit.
I am not eating right or exercising and I feel it. I feel my controls slipping and it is really pissing me off. I try to accomplish my little goals for the day, and rewards?? I am not sure. Facebook is my pleasure and my drug. I realized today I spent 12 hours on, not continually, but..yeah, So not good. I have managed to not harass my stalkee, with any messages. My obsession with him continues to baffle me. It makes no sense at all. My other stalkee has been so awesome, one of the number one things keeping me on this side of sanity. He is a god-guy, and my beliefs bother him. I think, I don't know. My sex guy flirts. I have others who flirt too or are trying too and others who are perfectly legit male friends. It is cool.
I have woman friends. Wow! All kinds, all incredible. I am so excited about seeing them, as many as I can for my reunion next year. So many things are starting to look up and I remind myself of that. Marriage counselling? Renee's as yet, non-existent Asperger's group or coach, Max, perhaps involved in a sport. For me, a part-time job and maybe an art class, or exercise..I always wanted to learn kung-fu or judo. Money...holidays coming up. Birthdays, anniversaries, Halloween...yikes. Life is here, I have to stay in the right frame of mind and just not catch it, but grab it.
My addictions, Facebook, stalking, coffee, food, sex/love, drugs, alcohol, reading, blogging, it is a continual struggle right now. I replace one thing with another. Music and God for me are forever intertwined, I am trying to live the message. I am so tired of being alone. It gets so difficult to sort between the logical response and the emotional ones. Who, which part of me, do I let take control? This scares the hell out of me, I lost five hours today. I was eating lunch, doing coupons, went shopping, came home, put a lot of stuff away and um..it is all a bit hazy. Crap.
This morning, I woke up at 4 am and facebooked and yes, other stuff too until 9:15 am...um..shite. It is now almost midnight and I am at a loss of what to do. I have to get the kids off to school tomorrow and clean/cook/wash I HATE housework.
 |
| me |
I own no rights to this song or lyrics..at all.
TTYAL..thanks for listening..comment if you like.
"See more than what's shown, hear more than what's said, and look
behind the actions to the motivations. Then, and only then, you will
understand" Will I? lolol
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