I am having such a hard time keeping it real today. Everything emotional keeps crashing into me. PMS, yes..figured that out later. But, Holy Hallelujah, Batman..or in other words WTFH! Trying to keep a lid on it really didn't work, I cried on-and-off desperate all day. I couldn't hide it from my kids, couldn't even hide it from the dog. I am so wrung out right now. I am now having a hot flash too. Yeah, this just keeps getting more fun. LOL-OMG. Jack, off my neck please..
The kids are in bed, I doubt very much that they are asleep. I hope they do get some. I have to wake them up. Crabby gets a whole new definition from the both of us. They will complain about breakfast choices. I am a terrible mom and will try to get them to eat something healthy. They probably won't eat at all or will grab some junk food. Renee will eat leftovers, pizza, etc. Which isn't so bad. Max sneaks soda. Very, very bad. They will leave and then I can go talk to my therapist.
I don't want to talk to him this week. I never do. At the same time that I know I have to. This becomes a strange desire or desperate kind of urge. Great, now I have the feeling of bugs crawling all over me. This is a lovely symptom of being pre-menopausal. The only thing that works is benadryl. Which will knock me out. It is okay, I need to sleep anyway. Not yet though.
My hubby is at work, coming home now. He got called in. I believe him and I don't. We shall see. This did not help with the emotional sobbiness today. Nope, was most truly a major factor.
I talked with a friend that finds me, I really don't know. I know I piss him off and annoy him. I don't mean too, I want him to like me. I do admit I stalk him. He has answers to things I want to know about. I am not asking the right questions. I think of him now as a brother who got taken at birth and was raised by "real" people. I guess he has forgiven me again for bugging him, again. I hope.
My other stalkee is sweet about it. He answers even my most dumbest questions without judging me or being a jerk of any kind. I try not to get antsy if he doesn't answer me. I am a FB addict. I spread my addiction over a lot of friends who all mean a lot to me, in various degrees. The emotions and feelings are true. I really do care, even when I don't want to at times. Though I have to admit, it is not all gloom and doom. No, most is just regular life, and my friends are funny, smart and individuals. It is awesome.
My therapist has given me a bunch of paths, choices...most all of which we have discussed before. All of them require work..or giving up. I know this, knew this, but have been trying to avoid it. I am so tired.
Next step, next level, I talk about it, can I do it?
I don't know yet, which is a put-off answer. :-) TTYAL, thanks for listening.
The kids are in bed, I doubt very much that they are asleep. I hope they do get some. I have to wake them up. Crabby gets a whole new definition from the both of us. They will complain about breakfast choices. I am a terrible mom and will try to get them to eat something healthy. They probably won't eat at all or will grab some junk food. Renee will eat leftovers, pizza, etc. Which isn't so bad. Max sneaks soda. Very, very bad. They will leave and then I can go talk to my therapist.
I don't want to talk to him this week. I never do. At the same time that I know I have to. This becomes a strange desire or desperate kind of urge. Great, now I have the feeling of bugs crawling all over me. This is a lovely symptom of being pre-menopausal. The only thing that works is benadryl. Which will knock me out. It is okay, I need to sleep anyway. Not yet though.
My hubby is at work, coming home now. He got called in. I believe him and I don't. We shall see. This did not help with the emotional sobbiness today. Nope, was most truly a major factor.
I talked with a friend that finds me, I really don't know. I know I piss him off and annoy him. I don't mean too, I want him to like me. I do admit I stalk him. He has answers to things I want to know about. I am not asking the right questions. I think of him now as a brother who got taken at birth and was raised by "real" people. I guess he has forgiven me again for bugging him, again. I hope.
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| Canyon Lake, AZ |
My therapist has given me a bunch of paths, choices...most all of which we have discussed before. All of them require work..or giving up. I know this, knew this, but have been trying to avoid it. I am so tired.
Next step, next level, I talk about it, can I do it?
I don't know yet, which is a put-off answer. :-) TTYAL, thanks for listening.
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
Oscar Wilde
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