I had somebody ask why I write this blog. Huh? to save the world...no, yes. I couldn't really answer in person, I got all tongue-twisted and shy. The next question was how do you know what to write? Um, the answer to both questions is..shh(I really don't know).
When I started to write this blog it was a release of so much pent-up mish-mash that has been stewing around in my brain for years. I write quite a few that I don't publish. I wasn't mentally balanced at all when I began. I smile now, but I was really hanging on by my fingertips, by a thread. LOL, no..I had crossed over to the "other" side. My thin line is still there and I can say today (tonight) that I am on the reality side. It still gets blurry at times. I would love to be wasted tonight. Being "messed up" isn't going to happen though.
I am trying to picture the new "me" that my hypnotherapist suggested. A lady at my woman's conference brought up a point that she isn't trying to lose weight any more. She had lost and found all of her pounds multiple times. Sadly, I can so relate to that. I am not sure of her exact words, but it was to the effect that she is now transforming. She is changing herself from the inside out to become the best "her" she could possibly be. Amen, sister!
So mote it be? LOL, yes. Why not?
The difficulty isn't picking a subject or knowing what I am doing here. The challenge is finding the right thread and then going with it. Trying to make it intelligible, fun or enlightening to read is a self-fulfilment. The words should flow. There should be at minimal one underlying message. It should have different meanings when read at another time. I am not quite explaining it right because I don't think about that. This is for me, and my way of sharing my stories with others. I share. I learn. I grow. I smile. I laugh. I cry.
I think at times I am very rational. Other times I know I am whacked, I just can't seem to stop. Crap. I have talked about depression, mania..insanity, addiction, child abuse, animal cruelty, sex, drugs, music, housework, children, marriage, pets...friends, Facebook..hmm..
Poverty? I say I am poor, but that is a comparison for where I live and the debt I am under. I remember somebody explaining there is a immense difference between daily existence "poor" as in no food, shelter, water, medicines.. to American suburb "poor". I say thanks for my blessed existence. I try to explain this to my kids. They just don't understand it. I didn't either when I was their age.
I went to an enormous public high school that combined all the kids from four small towns and surrounding areas. There was a vast disparage between the income levels. We had the few jetting to Europe-rich for Christmas ski break and the other few migrant farmer worker-poor. Everybody else was in-between those two extremes. There was a few Hispanic families and one African-American and a few Asian kids, but the rest were a blend or straight up European "white" Italian, Irish, German, Swedish, Polish, Russian and American Indian..I have missed a few but you get the general idea.
I didn't see real poor until I worked in a factory, and then restaurants and different schools. One of my black roommates from college was from downtown Washington, DC. She grew up in a neighbourhood with daily shootings, drugs, prostitution. A Mexican girl I worked with in a factory at 19 was older than me..5 years later she was younger? She was 15 and illegal, and married to a guy twice her age. I didn't figure this out till much later in life. Another black lady I worked with explained that you put cotton in your ears before you fell asleep so the roaches didn't crawl in your ears. eww..
Off-topic, sorry. Did I answer the questions? I write because I am compelled to write. I still don't know why, though I can give quite a few more explanations. If this is my "God" telling me that is what I have to do, that is okay. It is work in a way, but it feels so right. I am hoping for what? I am not sure. I gave up on the idea of making any money from this. Not that I wouldn't accept it if it was offered, but nobody is offering. LOL, I am good with it.
It is morning now and I proofread and fixed some language, spelling and typos. I also try to eliminate fragments and run-ons. I am not always successful with this as this was the incredibly boring part of English class for me. I have a lot to do today but am chipping away at it slowly as I feel incredibly dizzy. The sun is shining and it is beautiful out so outside I go, Thanks for listening. TTYAL.
When I started to write this blog it was a release of so much pent-up mish-mash that has been stewing around in my brain for years. I write quite a few that I don't publish. I wasn't mentally balanced at all when I began. I smile now, but I was really hanging on by my fingertips, by a thread. LOL, no..I had crossed over to the "other" side. My thin line is still there and I can say today (tonight) that I am on the reality side. It still gets blurry at times. I would love to be wasted tonight. Being "messed up" isn't going to happen though.
I am trying to picture the new "me" that my hypnotherapist suggested. A lady at my woman's conference brought up a point that she isn't trying to lose weight any more. She had lost and found all of her pounds multiple times. Sadly, I can so relate to that. I am not sure of her exact words, but it was to the effect that she is now transforming. She is changing herself from the inside out to become the best "her" she could possibly be. Amen, sister!
So mote it be? LOL, yes. Why not?
The difficulty isn't picking a subject or knowing what I am doing here. The challenge is finding the right thread and then going with it. Trying to make it intelligible, fun or enlightening to read is a self-fulfilment. The words should flow. There should be at minimal one underlying message. It should have different meanings when read at another time. I am not quite explaining it right because I don't think about that. This is for me, and my way of sharing my stories with others. I share. I learn. I grow. I smile. I laugh. I cry.
I think at times I am very rational. Other times I know I am whacked, I just can't seem to stop. Crap. I have talked about depression, mania..insanity, addiction, child abuse, animal cruelty, sex, drugs, music, housework, children, marriage, pets...friends, Facebook..hmm..
Poverty? I say I am poor, but that is a comparison for where I live and the debt I am under. I remember somebody explaining there is a immense difference between daily existence "poor" as in no food, shelter, water, medicines.. to American suburb "poor". I say thanks for my blessed existence. I try to explain this to my kids. They just don't understand it. I didn't either when I was their age.
I went to an enormous public high school that combined all the kids from four small towns and surrounding areas. There was a vast disparage between the income levels. We had the few jetting to Europe-rich for Christmas ski break and the other few migrant farmer worker-poor. Everybody else was in-between those two extremes. There was a few Hispanic families and one African-American and a few Asian kids, but the rest were a blend or straight up European "white" Italian, Irish, German, Swedish, Polish, Russian and American Indian..I have missed a few but you get the general idea.
I didn't see real poor until I worked in a factory, and then restaurants and different schools. One of my black roommates from college was from downtown Washington, DC. She grew up in a neighbourhood with daily shootings, drugs, prostitution. A Mexican girl I worked with in a factory at 19 was older than me..5 years later she was younger? She was 15 and illegal, and married to a guy twice her age. I didn't figure this out till much later in life. Another black lady I worked with explained that you put cotton in your ears before you fell asleep so the roaches didn't crawl in your ears. eww..
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| AZ at night. |
It is morning now and I proofread and fixed some language, spelling and typos. I also try to eliminate fragments and run-ons. I am not always successful with this as this was the incredibly boring part of English class for me. I have a lot to do today but am chipping away at it slowly as I feel incredibly dizzy. The sun is shining and it is beautiful out so outside I go, Thanks for listening. TTYAL.
"Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel." - Author Unknown
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