After writing about how I feel compelled to write and how I have so many ideas floating around in my head. I haven't been able to write more than a few sentences here and there. I can't shut down the part of my mind that constantly analyses things. I have tried. The most I can do is drug or blur it. I do have times where my mind is at peace or rest. I'll take the tranquillity time. It is a good thing.
My hubby is home. That helps me mellow out, like a breathe let out. I saw him for 2 and a 1/2 days last month for the whole month. I told my therapist I was embarrassed about breaking down. I also told my husband I am not stable enough for these extended absences. My hubby agreed, I will hold him to that. My therapist told me nobody is stable enough to be expected to handle that much separation. Wow. I feel much better now. It has been so difficult, for years and years now, one reason after another of being apart.
I am hoping things start coming together so this move can work out. I am hoping and praying. We need to be together. My kids have bloomed today, both are so happy he is home.The company my husband works for has close to a 98% divorce rate for 'field' workers. No surprise there from me. It has been brutal. The job before that wasn't much of an improvement. Why did we move here to the desert? We were expecting so much more. For him to be home more, not less, more pay and better benefits and no snow. They got half of it right. Now, we are going to try again.
I am doing okay. I hope to be able to say that when he leaves again. I have to find my strength and quirky humour to keep going and keep everyone else moving along too. I have been soaking up sunshine and trying to get my rest. I have been so tired. My digestive system has been as wonky as usual. I am eating less though and going for healthier choices.
I was going out for daily walks. I went out for a bike ride and fell over on the bike in the garage on top of my son's bike and a rack attachment for the car. Yep, it hurt like hell. I have three massive bruises plus aches and pains. I then had an incident with a skateboard that was left out in the dark. More bruises and aches and pains..I ache all over. I WILL walk tomorrow, today is an owie owie day. The first accident was my fault, the second one, no. It hurts either way. Ugh.
One step at a time is all I can manage right now. I fall over and get back up, so far. I smile here. There isn't anyone who hears me scream, except God. I am the one who has to get up and help myself. There is worse places to be and even all bruised up I am still in better shape then so many.
Here I have to laugh as I interject. My hubby has never physically harmed me on purpose. He has never..though he did break my hand, but that was an accident. He would be so grumpy if he read this because he doesn't understand why I find this so amusing. I really can't explain it either. It shouldn't be funny, but it is. God, I love him, my kids and puppy too.
I am sorry that I have taken such a long break, thanks for listening. I need to go to sleep and will proofread and publish this in the morning. Love you all. Weird, huh? LOL.
Getting there, bridges can be so beautiful.
My hubby is home. That helps me mellow out, like a breathe let out. I saw him for 2 and a 1/2 days last month for the whole month. I told my therapist I was embarrassed about breaking down. I also told my husband I am not stable enough for these extended absences. My hubby agreed, I will hold him to that. My therapist told me nobody is stable enough to be expected to handle that much separation. Wow. I feel much better now. It has been so difficult, for years and years now, one reason after another of being apart.
I am hoping things start coming together so this move can work out. I am hoping and praying. We need to be together. My kids have bloomed today, both are so happy he is home.The company my husband works for has close to a 98% divorce rate for 'field' workers. No surprise there from me. It has been brutal. The job before that wasn't much of an improvement. Why did we move here to the desert? We were expecting so much more. For him to be home more, not less, more pay and better benefits and no snow. They got half of it right. Now, we are going to try again.
I am doing okay. I hope to be able to say that when he leaves again. I have to find my strength and quirky humour to keep going and keep everyone else moving along too. I have been soaking up sunshine and trying to get my rest. I have been so tired. My digestive system has been as wonky as usual. I am eating less though and going for healthier choices.
I was going out for daily walks. I went out for a bike ride and fell over on the bike in the garage on top of my son's bike and a rack attachment for the car. Yep, it hurt like hell. I have three massive bruises plus aches and pains. I then had an incident with a skateboard that was left out in the dark. More bruises and aches and pains..I ache all over. I WILL walk tomorrow, today is an owie owie day. The first accident was my fault, the second one, no. It hurts either way. Ugh.
One step at a time is all I can manage right now. I fall over and get back up, so far. I smile here. There isn't anyone who hears me scream, except God. I am the one who has to get up and help myself. There is worse places to be and even all bruised up I am still in better shape then so many.
Here I have to laugh as I interject. My hubby has never physically harmed me on purpose. He has never..though he did break my hand, but that was an accident. He would be so grumpy if he read this because he doesn't understand why I find this so amusing. I really can't explain it either. It shouldn't be funny, but it is. God, I love him, my kids and puppy too.
I am sorry that I have taken such a long break, thanks for listening. I need to go to sleep and will proofread and publish this in the morning. Love you all. Weird, huh? LOL.
Getting there, bridges can be so beautiful.
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