I am still here. Hope everyone had a beautiful holiday and is looking forward to the New Year. I have had a lot going on this past week. I am still trying to sort it all out. My Christmas was nice. Seeing my hubby was even better. Having the kids home for more than a week? Not so good. I will talk about all that another time. It is too raw and personal right now.
I will not be unhappy to see this past year go, I learned a lot. Some good, some very bad. Did I succeed at any of my goals? yes and no. I am smoke-free. I am alive and more aware/awake of myself and the world around me. I did not lose weight. My family, while stuck in a holding pattern for now, has a goal and direction to head towards.
I am scared of the New Year. I could use the word trepidation, instead. Logistics, selling/renting one house and starting again in a new state. Trying to figure out directions, schools, stores and finding a job. Physically packing and unpacking, erghh..and readjusting to being a married mom. Having to deal with seasons and snow/cold again. ugh.
I am scared of facing more of my demons. There is not much worse than being afraid of evil. Looking at it in your own eyes and feeling the emotions of it is awful. Being angry is so easy, vindictive, jealous, judgemental. Turning these around to hope, passion, forgiveness, openness is work. I am so tired. Forgiving yourself is the hardest for me. I tend to be my own harshest critic. "Be nice to yourself" yeah.
I have to get my act together. In advocating for change, I am not saying I am not okay with myself. I just have to be able to grow and challenge myself.
I have so much more to talk about but I have to get a move on and go do. I will write sooner and more specific. Thanks for listening for now TTYL. Christmas is over, but this is something I think we all need to work on every day.
mmhmmm...lolol. No handouts. Tomorrow never comes, it is always a new day.
I will not be unhappy to see this past year go, I learned a lot. Some good, some very bad. Did I succeed at any of my goals? yes and no. I am smoke-free. I am alive and more aware/awake of myself and the world around me. I did not lose weight. My family, while stuck in a holding pattern for now, has a goal and direction to head towards.
I am scared of the New Year. I could use the word trepidation, instead. Logistics, selling/renting one house and starting again in a new state. Trying to figure out directions, schools, stores and finding a job. Physically packing and unpacking, erghh..and readjusting to being a married mom. Having to deal with seasons and snow/cold again. ugh.
I am scared of facing more of my demons. There is not much worse than being afraid of evil. Looking at it in your own eyes and feeling the emotions of it is awful. Being angry is so easy, vindictive, jealous, judgemental. Turning these around to hope, passion, forgiveness, openness is work. I am so tired. Forgiving yourself is the hardest for me. I tend to be my own harshest critic. "Be nice to yourself" yeah.
I have to get my act together. In advocating for change, I am not saying I am not okay with myself. I just have to be able to grow and challenge myself.
I have so much more to talk about but I have to get a move on and go do. I will write sooner and more specific. Thanks for listening for now TTYL. Christmas is over, but this is something I think we all need to work on every day.
Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness.To an opponent, tolerance.To a friend, your heart.To a customer, service.To all, charity.To every child, a good example.To yourself, respect.
Oren Arnold.
mmhmmm...lolol. No handouts. Tomorrow never comes, it is always a new day.
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