Some things shouldn't bother me but, they do. Currently, I am still healing. I feel really ok and then move wrong or do something stupid and am reminded that I just had internal organs removed. I have been very very tired and have the worst heartburn in my life. I also can just take a couple of bites of food and that is it. I can't swallow any more. This has happened before. I lost a lot of weight the last time I went through that. Who knows? That would be a bonus.
I know I am a hypochondriac. Really. I do laugh here. I have also have had a lot of things wrong with me, too. The night in the hospital, my blood pressure dropped any time I rolled over and fell asleep. The nurses said it was because the the monitors couldn't get a good reading. They would sit me up, oxygenate me and then get a better reading. I also blew an IV. No surprise there. I am glad the hospital night is over. I have had too many of those. None were fun, or good.
I am still not in a holiday mood. Nope. I can appreciate that other's are. It actually makes me feel better to see them enjoy it. I love Christmas lights, cookies and homemade goodies. I used to go carolling. I was always in some kind of production somewhere. For a few years me and my sister would attempt the Messiah. Beautiful music, I smoked too many years to even attempt it now. When I worked at a coffee shop/bookstore, we got the loan of a baby grand piano. I drove my co-worker's insane by playing the Nutcracker Ballet CD over and over. Way fun!
When I waitressed I started wearing Jingle Bells. It ended up being more for me than others. It is hard to be truly and fully crabby when you jing-a-ling-ling every time you move. That was another one that drove my co-workers nuts, too. I miss them, we worked but had fun. I fought with people too, and I don't know. The work was always there. You had to do what you could to keep going.
I love having Christmas with my kids, at the same time that it makes me nervous and uptight. I am not in a hopeful mood this year. Mark will be back in Utah, and me and the kids? I really don't know. I have a few ideas for presents for the kids and Mark. Me? I don't know what I want. Which means I am probably not going to get it. I have dreams, desires, but so much of it is mixed up and upside down at the present.
I should have called my dad for his 81st birthday yesterday. I talked myself out of it. Not as brave as I like to believe. I shouldn't have sworn and threatened my daughter this morning after repeated attempts to get her out of bed. I lost it. It was very ugly. She went to bed an hour earlier tonight. We shall see tomorrow. I enjoyed the time with my son tonight. He is so scared and is trying not to be. He knows things are right, and is looking for love and security. My husband got drunk and went to bed. That happens every night. I should go put blankets on my plants tonight, my desert is going to freeze.
I need to go to bed. I don't want to. I have been dreaming so much lately. I could remember more of them if I tried to. No. Tonight, I wish I had the power to make dreams come true for other's. Heal the sick..there is a lot of medical issues so many of my friends and families face. There is a certain baby girl, a cousin, a friend's husband, so many friends. To help a couple that have split up, reconcile. I am not going to start bringing back people from the dead, or wishing for it. That is just too creepy. I do wish the ones who grieve, find peace at least for a while. To be able to erase every one's pain for I am not sure how long. It would feel wonderful. I pray instead, knowing I don't have the "magic" or answers. I don't even have the whole picture.
That's the truth, I am glad I have you all. It may be just a whimsy of my over active loopy mind, I don't think so though. I feel you all as a warm emotional snuggly blanket. It is exceptional and I am not explaining it as well as I should. I love it. Thanks for listening..TTYAL.
I will ask the kids tonight about decorating. We shall see. D**n, now I have Christmas music running through my head.
I know I am a hypochondriac. Really. I do laugh here. I have also have had a lot of things wrong with me, too. The night in the hospital, my blood pressure dropped any time I rolled over and fell asleep. The nurses said it was because the the monitors couldn't get a good reading. They would sit me up, oxygenate me and then get a better reading. I also blew an IV. No surprise there. I am glad the hospital night is over. I have had too many of those. None were fun, or good.
I am still not in a holiday mood. Nope. I can appreciate that other's are. It actually makes me feel better to see them enjoy it. I love Christmas lights, cookies and homemade goodies. I used to go carolling. I was always in some kind of production somewhere. For a few years me and my sister would attempt the Messiah. Beautiful music, I smoked too many years to even attempt it now. When I worked at a coffee shop/bookstore, we got the loan of a baby grand piano. I drove my co-worker's insane by playing the Nutcracker Ballet CD over and over. Way fun!
When I waitressed I started wearing Jingle Bells. It ended up being more for me than others. It is hard to be truly and fully crabby when you jing-a-ling-ling every time you move. That was another one that drove my co-workers nuts, too. I miss them, we worked but had fun. I fought with people too, and I don't know. The work was always there. You had to do what you could to keep going.
I love having Christmas with my kids, at the same time that it makes me nervous and uptight. I am not in a hopeful mood this year. Mark will be back in Utah, and me and the kids? I really don't know. I have a few ideas for presents for the kids and Mark. Me? I don't know what I want. Which means I am probably not going to get it. I have dreams, desires, but so much of it is mixed up and upside down at the present.
I should have called my dad for his 81st birthday yesterday. I talked myself out of it. Not as brave as I like to believe. I shouldn't have sworn and threatened my daughter this morning after repeated attempts to get her out of bed. I lost it. It was very ugly. She went to bed an hour earlier tonight. We shall see tomorrow. I enjoyed the time with my son tonight. He is so scared and is trying not to be. He knows things are right, and is looking for love and security. My husband got drunk and went to bed. That happens every night. I should go put blankets on my plants tonight, my desert is going to freeze.
I need to go to bed. I don't want to. I have been dreaming so much lately. I could remember more of them if I tried to. No. Tonight, I wish I had the power to make dreams come true for other's. Heal the sick..there is a lot of medical issues so many of my friends and families face. There is a certain baby girl, a cousin, a friend's husband, so many friends. To help a couple that have split up, reconcile. I am not going to start bringing back people from the dead, or wishing for it. That is just too creepy. I do wish the ones who grieve, find peace at least for a while. To be able to erase every one's pain for I am not sure how long. It would feel wonderful. I pray instead, knowing I don't have the "magic" or answers. I don't even have the whole picture.
"Fate determines who enters your life, but your actions decides who stay."
That's the truth, I am glad I have you all. It may be just a whimsy of my over active loopy mind, I don't think so though. I feel you all as a warm emotional snuggly blanket. It is exceptional and I am not explaining it as well as I should. I love it. Thanks for listening..TTYAL.
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