and Another..

Another New Year? Crap, didn't we just have one?? Wow, that went really fast.

Last year..Oh My.

I faced some major truths about myself, good and bad, and went Insane. I knew I wasn't "right" and shattered just begins to describe it. This blog has been part of my therapy to fit my pieces back together. The greater majority of "me" has returned from its trip. I can say I am more "sane" and "aware" than I have ever been. Yes, I did mean to capitalize the I. Okay, I'll stop with the (")s. I just feel there should be some fireworks, excitement, hoopla. Nope.

I am not bawling my eyes out either. Woo-hoo!! Which is a major bonus from the last two previous years. I am just very mellow today. My kids are bored, and I am praying for the end of next week. Getting back to the routine of my days without them here all day. Oh God! I need a break. I could use a vacation from their vacation. My hubby has started looking at houses in Utah. I am still queasy about this.

Change, it has been all about change this year for good or evil. There is more coming up for 2012. I'd like to be more prepared and ready for it. It really doesn't work that way most of the time, though. I am not sure if I adapt better or worse to it than most. I don't know, doesn't really matter. My comparisons with others is automatic, but not very accurate. We only see the tip of the iceberg so to speak when we see others. There is a whole other mountain underneath. I got this from a Denny's training manual, the things I remember.

I have my fireworks now. The neighborhood is setting them off, crapola. "be careful what you wish for" Jack, the puppy will be going nuts all night. He runs around and barks his fool head off. D**n it! I am laughing, go figure. I wonder if Utahn's are better about this than Arizonians? Every holiday around here they are setting them off. Some shoot off guns too..yeah, really.

So, how am I doing? My son asks me this multiple times a day. He worries too much. I love him. I am okay. On the better side of okay for now. My daughter, shaking my head, is a trip. She's in a good mood for now. I enjoy these moments with her, they aren't very regular. Though, I wish she had showered today. My nose has become a super power. This is not a blessing. Everything stinks, one way or another. Even myself, I need a shower too.

Physically I could be doing way better. I am going to go for a walk and see if that helps. I am going to try some meds too. It has been an ongoing problem on-and-off for too long now. I have two hours till midnight, my  medical deductible is paid till then. So not good.

Oh whatever, what the hell am I writing here? Blah, hell, shit or lack of? Oh my G! Lolol..sorry.

New Year, New sanity, New start..forgiveness? I let go of all the hatred, despair and negativity of the last year and embrace the plus. Sounds better, doesn't it? feels better too. This is from a very good friend with great motivational ideas. I am not sure where he got it from..or was his own brainstorm.

Challenge yourself in 2012 ... Write yourself 4 letters - now.. Each with at least 3 different short term goals and 1 long term goal. Label each envelope as March, June, September and December. Write down what you are going to accomplish in 2012 and how you are going to do it - for each of the goals.... Then put them in a place where you remember them - then every three months - open a letter and see how you are doing. Continue working towards your goals and accomplish something BIG in 2012!

I am not going to announce my goals yet. Shhh..I haven't written them out yet. I'll get there in a bit. Thanks for listening as always..love ya! Happy Happy New Years ...love, peace and hope to all..yes, even you. Especially you. Hah!