the next day after the next..

I am really quite tired and not even feeling that great. I should just go to bed, but knowing I won't stay asleep for very long is frustrating. Walking upsatirs to a queen-sized bed by myself always intensifies my loneliness. Today while not good or even great was better than yesterday, yesterday was bad.

Loneliness and depression are always companions. Somebody said the other day that they could never understand the depths of despair deep enough to want to kill themselves. I have faced that despair every single day of my life since I can remember. It, for the most part now, is usually a quick flash/ idea.. a joke to myself that I don't share. I can find it amusing, most would be horrified.

I wrote that last night and got about 5 hours of sleep, today I have gotten quite a bit accomplished. Kids off to school, washed, and fed..LOL. Puppy fed, watered, drugged....you have NO IDEA..he takes care of his own business. I just love the doggy door. Showered, dressed..though could have shaved the legs, if I hadn't left the razor outside the shower. Made lunch, brought in garbage cans, cleaned dishes, put away stuff, laundry. Talked to the hubby on the phone..:-) Face booked, but of course!

Nap time..the kids have early dissmissal every Wed. Hate it..also hate that the friend that blocked me is now out of my life for good. It still makes me exteremly sad/depressed, but resigned. It was all an obsession on my part. Trying to force a connection that he never wanted any part of. Was it because he was so against it that I became so crazy? Don't know, don't get it at all, and this is my mind and my actions we are talking about. I guess that is at least one reason I need a therapist. Now that the glue is starting to stick again and I feel more like myself..whew! I am the sanest crazy person I know..or LOLOL vice-versa.

Will talk again soon, not even sure why I am writing this for or to who..but thanks for listening whoever you are. Bye for now.