There is just no reason for me to be so down today. None. Mark, the hubby left this morning and has just made it to his hotel. I only slept about three hours last night..so I ended up taking a nap. So okay that 1 for the negative column and 1 for the positive. I am inspired by my friend Genny who has rheumatoid arthritis, always have been. I recommend her blog too. It is on my reading list.
This is what I started writing yesterday. The down side pretty much won the rest of the day. It is hard to explain the feeling. I talk about a dark hole, because even if the sun is shining..you find a way to make it a downer. Good things you can latch on to are to put your own misery in high focus.
Now my brother is visiting. It is awesome in so many ways. My bro has had his share of problems. But he is doing better than ok, now. I haven't seen him in about 4 or 5 years for just a couple of hours. Before that, It was 20 years..with no connection at all. Our family was a bit dysfunctional. LOL.
I guess I should say Day 3. I am going to post this tonight. Today we went for a drive over to Superstition Mountain and went hiking. Incredible! My knee after an excruciating sit-down, felt 90% better than it has in weeks. I managed to huff and puff it up and back, we went about 4 miles today. Go figure, it needed exercise I have a sun-burned face, of course.
I am enjoying time with my brother so much. Answers to different memories, a connection that can never be broken. It is amazing to see the relationship with him and my daughter blossom. They both have Asperger's, my brother's patience with her is incredible. It makes me smile inside.
The depression has lifted and now I am plagued with desires...a curse and a blessing. Whew! It is hard to not dwell and make things worse. The more you try not to think about something, the more you do. My fortune cookie yesterday " a smart person is the one who knows when to ask for help" I have friends/family that help me so much. But when it comes down to it, it is just me and how I deal.
Tonight I use meditation and letting "my God " flow through me like a river. Tonight it is what works and I know I can make it to the other side of this. To anyone who is not an addict this probably will not make a whole lot of sense. For me, it is my level..one I hope to improve upon. The day when my obsessions and desires stay muted as maybe a passing urge and not an all-encompassing insane hunger.
For a level, I suggest taking a walk, hog, jog and seeing the beauty of the world.
thanks for listening TTYAL..:-)
This is what I started writing yesterday. The down side pretty much won the rest of the day. It is hard to explain the feeling. I talk about a dark hole, because even if the sun is shining..you find a way to make it a downer. Good things you can latch on to are to put your own misery in high focus.
Now my brother is visiting. It is awesome in so many ways. My bro has had his share of problems. But he is doing better than ok, now. I haven't seen him in about 4 or 5 years for just a couple of hours. Before that, It was 20 years..with no connection at all. Our family was a bit dysfunctional. LOL.
I guess I should say Day 3. I am going to post this tonight. Today we went for a drive over to Superstition Mountain and went hiking. Incredible! My knee after an excruciating sit-down, felt 90% better than it has in weeks. I managed to huff and puff it up and back, we went about 4 miles today. Go figure, it needed exercise I have a sun-burned face, of course.
I am enjoying time with my brother so much. Answers to different memories, a connection that can never be broken. It is amazing to see the relationship with him and my daughter blossom. They both have Asperger's, my brother's patience with her is incredible. It makes me smile inside.
The depression has lifted and now I am plagued with desires...a curse and a blessing. Whew! It is hard to not dwell and make things worse. The more you try not to think about something, the more you do. My fortune cookie yesterday " a smart person is the one who knows when to ask for help" I have friends/family that help me so much. But when it comes down to it, it is just me and how I deal.
Tonight I use meditation and letting "my God " flow through me like a river. Tonight it is what works and I know I can make it to the other side of this. To anyone who is not an addict this probably will not make a whole lot of sense. For me, it is my level..one I hope to improve upon. The day when my obsessions and desires stay muted as maybe a passing urge and not an all-encompassing insane hunger.
For a level, I suggest taking a walk, hog, jog and seeing the beauty of the world.
thanks for listening TTYAL..:-)
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