Sunday, today..

Sunday, the day of rest?

I am laughing as it really isn't, not for me and not for a lot of folks. I used to work it, for years and years. Now, being unemployed, I find that housework, cooking, children/puppies, facebooking, napping, laundry, take up a lot of time. The bonus with Sundays is I get lower electric rates all day and most places are closed. No making doctor appointments or going to the bank, post office or library. I also try to avoid shopping or eating out on week-ends. Not only because rates are higher at say movie theaters, but to avoid crowds,too. I really dislike masses of people and traffic.

No, I don't go to church. Not on Sundays or any other day. I don't belong to a church. I honor God, every day by how I act. Some moments I am good, others, no. I do not expect perfection, would be terrified to achieve it. That is a very scary thought. LOL, I just try to be better. Better than I was yesterday, more patient with my kids, a bit more motivated with my chores. Bringing some smiles, prayers or comfort to my friends. Raising the bar of how I think about things. I have been slacking.

It isn't a sin, but I have been reacting instead of living with a purpose. I have been letting my emotions, past issues, present troubles, and mental turmoil push me around. I can't say that this won't be an issue again. Today, no. Enough already. Good Grief!

I would have liked more fun today. Oh well, I really am glad my kids go to school tomorrow, all day. Funny, I will miss them too, until they get home. I feel bad that my hubby is so far away and working so hard. This isn't my fault or his, it wasn't what we were promised moving out here. Now we are moving again for a better solution for us all. I am keeping my fingers crossed..and that is a prayer I include for myself.

I would really like to feel better, physically. I am having another hot flash..ugh. I am already one step closer to my New Year's resolutions. I quit smoking and I am trying to change the world, starting with myself. It is what I have. My obsessions haven't died. I still feel the pull of my addictions. My stalkee that I had blocked is still a part of my computer family. I feel a mess of emotions about that. Logically, it is one of the stupidest things I have ever done. I wish I could walk away from it forever. I am hoping maybe I can, but then again maybe that isn't what I am supposed to be doing. When I pray about this all I feel is incredible sadness.

My friend I talk to daily, has had so much patience and goodwill. My hubby, who I also talk to daily, has done his best to accommodate anything I might need. One way or another. There are many reasons I love him and have stayed with him so long. We have more challenges facing us. One step at a time.

I am really tired now, which isn't surprising. It has been a long day. G'night or G'morning to you all wherever you may be. Thanks for listening. TTYAL.


the video is the wrong one, but can't figure out yet how to remove it..LOL That's Jack, the puppy.

"I hope I never get everything I want, life is boring without having desire and anticipation. But I hope someday I realize I have everything I need, life is sad without feeling content and appreciation." Patrick Bagdon

no pain..

I don't know what to do with myself today. I have energy now, but no desire to really do anything. I want to get "effing" wasted and just give the whole world the finger. Everything is annoying me, it feels like a screech on a blackboard kind of feeling. I am not sure where all this frustration is coming from. PMS? Maybe. I finished two books this week, and while I enjoyed both. Crap! I didn't get a rush or fix off of them. My life is still boring, even with my hubby here. Physically, for the most part, I am doing way better.

I want.

I don't know what I want, nothing is working. Facebook only distracts me for a little while, shopping. *sigh. I still have not completely regained my kitchen. I am not even sure what to clean or stock, my mind is a mess. My husband has kept me distracted for a while. I smile here. I am off the pain meds. I have another 1/2 hour till the kids go to bed. Aaargh.

Okay, I can do this. I can get through the turmoil running around loose in my brain and let it go. I say a few choice swear words here. I am not all alone, my God is always with me. He is not saying too much. Or maybe, I am just not getting the message. I need somewhere to go, something to do. Something real. My life?? OMG-LOL.

I will stop now and breathe, whew! It may not be the right answer but it is what I have. I talked with friends, virtually but still very important. I am snuggling with my puppy a bit. I took a sleepy pill that is also for anxiety and I can feel it seeping into my brain. I will 'fess up that I took a 1/4 dose of pain pills. My stomach hurts, but I'll admit it is more for the buzz. It gives my head that dopey sense of being at peace. It slows down the whirlwind and lets me unwind.

 Bed, sleep and tomorrow a new dawn. Tomorrow will be better. I will make it so, and hope that it is for all that read this too. G'night and talk to you all later.