Today, LOLOL
Yeah, today I woke up. I can say things got better.. they did. The waking up part though, we take it as a given every day. I curse it lately as my sleep patterns are all whacked. I did okay today, it was 5 AM or so. My daughter was already up. *sigh. I felt like she has invaded my space and my time slot. Plus, the deja vu moment of seeing her exactly where she had been when I went to sleep. Did she sleep at all? Found out she did, just not much.
I am not the only one with sleep problems. It is a very common complaint on FB. Mine is a combo of all sorts of things, and pre-menopause. Renee, my daughter, has depression and hormones. We are more alike than we care to admit. I laugh here. The therapy has helped, my relationship with her has been steadily improving. I am loving it, normally I would have been yelling at her or being a "bitch" of some kind. Instead we talked pleasantly and she went and took a shower, without a fight of any kind. Wow!
I was very sick, physically for a few days. IBS and my hernia, plus stress and not eating right, I have felt so much better. Decided my bathroom really could use a new paint job too. Ugh! Was it the iron pills or the sips of vanilla shake? Who knows? I did manage to NOT throw up..YEY! A personal daily goal that I am always happy to fulfill.
Mother's day is difficult, and a few other things. I couldn't figure out WTFH my problem was. A video of a guy in a wheelchair set me straight. Guilt, we all have it..don't need it. So why are we hanging on to it?
I am not so sure about no guilt ever. Hmm, really have to think about that. But, as an addict and a human, I tend to build emotions to incredibly insane amounts. Forgive..yourself and others. For me letting things go was like losing a 1000 lbs of shite. It will build again, and I will have to tackle the mountain, but um..wow. Forgiveness isn't about forgetting or being weak. It is more of okay, enough already...let's move on.
Today is another day, and yes..I have woken up again. Amazing isn't it? No, I am really not being sarcastic. My one friend calls it a gift, I call it life. Not everyone is so blessed and then it is done. I had so many days where I cried and cursed..WTF. I still have a few where I will do the same. Life isn't supposed to be easy, or fun, or..what? It can be those things, and sometimes it is pain, anguish, suffering. Some days it is just blah, who cares? Those are the really dangerous days. Because deep down somewhere, you know you care.
I have had a beautiful sunshine day in the desert. Today, I had a little bird that almost landed on me..without any fear. I said hello, it seemed the polite thing to do. I also saw a smaller lizard doing his push-ups in the sun. I have a crazy black puppy who greets me with unrestrained joy every morning. I have a hubby who supports me. I have two beautiful kids. I have friends, who I talk with daily. Some give me a push in the right direction, others I pray for, or encourage, laugh or cry with. They are real. I am still looking for more ways to meet people here. It scares me. With Facebook, you can walk away or delete people or block them...actual life is harder.
Lately, I hear screaming in my head. It has become an almost constant white noise, sometimes very loud and at other times just a whisper. When I listen, it makes me sad. When it is all I can hear, I feel crazy in my own skin, I itch all over and hurt inside and out. Is this scaring you? LOL, scares me a bit too, my head, remember? It is different from my yearnings and addictions, though connected. I will talk about this more another time. I am still trying to sort it out. Wish me luck with that, a few prayers probably wouldn't hurt either.
To my fellow friend, SA..you asked me for help. Now you understand why I can't. Not because of what we talked about or didn't. I am not so sure what you want, justification or a way to change. *sigh. The fact that you have to hide everything from your spouse should clue you in to the problem. She doesn't trust you, with good reason. She also deserves better and so do you. So do I..lol...don't we all?
Another day, another chance to do something, to make a difference small or large. To act instead of react..levels?
Somewhere, somehow, to someone..yep. Enough serious..
Still laughing my ass off, uh-huh. Have a wondrous day and be thankful that you woke up..I am today.
Thank you for listening and I will TTYAL.
Yeah, today I woke up. I can say things got better.. they did. The waking up part though, we take it as a given every day. I curse it lately as my sleep patterns are all whacked. I did okay today, it was 5 AM or so. My daughter was already up. *sigh. I felt like she has invaded my space and my time slot. Plus, the deja vu moment of seeing her exactly where she had been when I went to sleep. Did she sleep at all? Found out she did, just not much.
I am not the only one with sleep problems. It is a very common complaint on FB. Mine is a combo of all sorts of things, and pre-menopause. Renee, my daughter, has depression and hormones. We are more alike than we care to admit. I laugh here. The therapy has helped, my relationship with her has been steadily improving. I am loving it, normally I would have been yelling at her or being a "bitch" of some kind. Instead we talked pleasantly and she went and took a shower, without a fight of any kind. Wow!
I was very sick, physically for a few days. IBS and my hernia, plus stress and not eating right, I have felt so much better. Decided my bathroom really could use a new paint job too. Ugh! Was it the iron pills or the sips of vanilla shake? Who knows? I did manage to NOT throw up..YEY! A personal daily goal that I am always happy to fulfill.
Mother's day is difficult, and a few other things. I couldn't figure out WTFH my problem was. A video of a guy in a wheelchair set me straight. Guilt, we all have it..don't need it. So why are we hanging on to it?
I am not so sure about no guilt ever. Hmm, really have to think about that. But, as an addict and a human, I tend to build emotions to incredibly insane amounts. Forgive..yourself and others. For me letting things go was like losing a 1000 lbs of shite. It will build again, and I will have to tackle the mountain, but um..wow. Forgiveness isn't about forgetting or being weak. It is more of okay, enough already...let's move on.
Today is another day, and yes..I have woken up again. Amazing isn't it? No, I am really not being sarcastic. My one friend calls it a gift, I call it life. Not everyone is so blessed and then it is done. I had so many days where I cried and cursed..WTF. I still have a few where I will do the same. Life isn't supposed to be easy, or fun, or..what? It can be those things, and sometimes it is pain, anguish, suffering. Some days it is just blah, who cares? Those are the really dangerous days. Because deep down somewhere, you know you care.
I have had a beautiful sunshine day in the desert. Today, I had a little bird that almost landed on me..without any fear. I said hello, it seemed the polite thing to do. I also saw a smaller lizard doing his push-ups in the sun. I have a crazy black puppy who greets me with unrestrained joy every morning. I have a hubby who supports me. I have two beautiful kids. I have friends, who I talk with daily. Some give me a push in the right direction, others I pray for, or encourage, laugh or cry with. They are real. I am still looking for more ways to meet people here. It scares me. With Facebook, you can walk away or delete people or block them...actual life is harder.
Lately, I hear screaming in my head. It has become an almost constant white noise, sometimes very loud and at other times just a whisper. When I listen, it makes me sad. When it is all I can hear, I feel crazy in my own skin, I itch all over and hurt inside and out. Is this scaring you? LOL, scares me a bit too, my head, remember? It is different from my yearnings and addictions, though connected. I will talk about this more another time. I am still trying to sort it out. Wish me luck with that, a few prayers probably wouldn't hurt either.
To my fellow friend, SA..you asked me for help. Now you understand why I can't. Not because of what we talked about or didn't. I am not so sure what you want, justification or a way to change. *sigh. The fact that you have to hide everything from your spouse should clue you in to the problem. She doesn't trust you, with good reason. She also deserves better and so do you. So do I..lol...don't we all?
Another day, another chance to do something, to make a difference small or large. To act instead of react..levels?
Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. - William James
Somewhere, somehow, to someone..yep. Enough serious..
The fun never stops, it just changes its underpants---Deborah Hamilton
Still laughing my ass off, uh-huh. Have a wondrous day and be thankful that you woke up..I am today.
Thank you for listening and I will TTYAL.
