I have a Scar ..

Yesterday, LOL I was tripping out. Pity party time, freaking about small things in my life. A friend pointed it out and now? I am not going to guilt myself over it. That would usually be the next step. Really. I would agonize about how petty and trivial I can be. I would basically thrash myself internally as a punishment. Written and cried at myself, been harsh and critical and a few other silliness. Enough!

I am trying out new things, behavior and actions. Changing yourself is strange, at first everything seems bizarre and twisted. I am a non-smoker. Wow! I am chewing on a drinking straw as I type. I chew on them, twist them, tie them into knots, drop them. My puppy Jack has picked up the habit, too. I may need a 12-step program for straw addiction, but that is okay. As far as I know it doesn't cause cancer yet.

Right now I am tired. I did have major surgery and it has taken a toll. Whitened a few more of my hairs and gave me a new scar. I have to admit as far as surgeries go, except for Lasik this has been the smoothest. I am alive and doing very well. The recovery has been sweetened by my mother-in-law who really is incredible. I hit the jackpot when I married my hubby. I love being a Tschudi. I just hate the way the name is spelled. By the way, it is pronounced shoot-ee or shoe-dee or close enough.

It is the week-end and I have two extra adults in my house that I love, my family. Being grateful for that isn't difficult. I copied a quote on FB yesterday about people being a blessing or a lesson. Usually for me it is both. I learn and re-learn to be thankful for what I have been given. I am an addict, I am the mother of two crazy kids and a wackier puppy. I am a wife and daughter-in-law, and I have friends who not only cheer me up and care. They also keep me company and make me laugh, even when I am being "doofy".

That I do the same for them goes without saying. That part of it has always been a joy to me. I think the level for me today was to open my eyes and look around. Wipe the grit out from my eyes, squint against the sun glare and see. It is a beautiful beautiful world, thank God. My tribulations, problems, whining are all still there. My peace and inner music never left.  I hear them when I can stop distracting myself. I am so human, and therefore, err. Moving on, and keeping at it is my next level. Remembering to laugh, my addictions embarrass me, but I got to admit, there is worse things to be.

Talk to you all later, thanks for listening, love ya!