Sometimes I know or have some general idea of what I am going to write about. Tonight? No. I have so many thoughts and ideas swirling around in my brain that it is hard to latch on to just one.
Yesterday was such a great day, and then it nose-dived. I accepted a beer from a friend, knowing full well that I wanted it and didn't want it at the same time. I drink so rarely that yes, one beer does affect me a bit. It doesn't help that the prescription meds I am on aren't supposed to be mixed with alcohol. That part of it doesn't worry me that greatly. I've used and abused a lot of "mixes". I also watched my husband mix Vicodin and beer for years. I find it amusing in a sad way that he doesn't remember this or how hard it was for him to break that habit. The bad part is I am now buzzed and all the little stinging bee thoughts come circling around.
The choices come next, who, what, where, when and how. I am alone as usual, I talk to my God and it helps. I talk to a friend, and keep my control which helps a small bit more. I do not go over and ask for more dark beer..whew! I do not go over and flirt with married men who like to see me drunk and whose wives are not home. My own husband is asleep or passed out. I don't like my hubby's beer, blcch. I also know I do not want to mix beer with any of the alcohol I have in stock. So, I am staying home, I am not going to get drunk. I have children to wake up to take care of in the morning. I up one of my prescription meds..I am only on 1/2 dosages. I have "permission" from the doc for this..if I need to sleep he says take a whole pill. I eye up the whole bottle...no, Renee and Max. My kids and my former job taught me this small control for many years. I am an adult, I have a choice.
I wake up at 5 am with a small headache and later I take a picture of the dawn and post it on Face book. A new day, a new sunrise..
I haven't blogged for a few days as I was struggling with why I am writing this. My motives are selfish, this is my therapy and is way cheaper than my therapist... lol. Though I am going to start printing it for him. If someone else finds help or a new understanding from my words, awesome! That I have reader's excites me and humbles me at the same time.
My next level? I made it through another day, and another..there is good and bad things that happened in both. Sometimes, all that you can manage is one day. It is okay, I am not superwoman. Sometimes it comes down to a yes or no and eliminating all the maybes. I hope and pray for the someday that this is not even a struggle or if it is a thought, I can laugh about it. I have been there before, I will find it again.TTYAL Thanks for reading.
Yesterday was such a great day, and then it nose-dived. I accepted a beer from a friend, knowing full well that I wanted it and didn't want it at the same time. I drink so rarely that yes, one beer does affect me a bit. It doesn't help that the prescription meds I am on aren't supposed to be mixed with alcohol. That part of it doesn't worry me that greatly. I've used and abused a lot of "mixes". I also watched my husband mix Vicodin and beer for years. I find it amusing in a sad way that he doesn't remember this or how hard it was for him to break that habit. The bad part is I am now buzzed and all the little stinging bee thoughts come circling around.
The choices come next, who, what, where, when and how. I am alone as usual, I talk to my God and it helps. I talk to a friend, and keep my control which helps a small bit more. I do not go over and ask for more dark beer..whew! I do not go over and flirt with married men who like to see me drunk and whose wives are not home. My own husband is asleep or passed out. I don't like my hubby's beer, blcch. I also know I do not want to mix beer with any of the alcohol I have in stock. So, I am staying home, I am not going to get drunk. I have children to wake up to take care of in the morning. I up one of my prescription meds..I am only on 1/2 dosages. I have "permission" from the doc for this..if I need to sleep he says take a whole pill. I eye up the whole bottle...no, Renee and Max. My kids and my former job taught me this small control for many years. I am an adult, I have a choice.
I wake up at 5 am with a small headache and later I take a picture of the dawn and post it on Face book. A new day, a new sunrise..
I haven't blogged for a few days as I was struggling with why I am writing this. My motives are selfish, this is my therapy and is way cheaper than my therapist... lol. Though I am going to start printing it for him. If someone else finds help or a new understanding from my words, awesome! That I have reader's excites me and humbles me at the same time.
