So many things have happened that I am not sure what to say first. I love seeing all the graduation pictures on my Facebook page. I feel so happy for them, and/or their parents. I also have a flash of sadness. My daughter should have been graduating from 8th grade. I didn't even bother to check if there was a ceremony. She has failed (on purpose) for the last three years, ever since we have moved to Arizona. Next year, I am not sure how things are going to transfer or where and what she will be taking. I know it will be a challenge, and most likely not in a good way.
I have two moving companies coming over to give an estimate next week, I guess we are getting there. I wish I wasn't so tired and that I was a little more excited. I am not. Apprehensive is more the feeling, I am not looking forward to all the hassles. I guess I am wishing troubles ahead of myself. It is just that the last move didn't go so well. I had hoped for so much and none of it came true. Most of my three years here in the desert have been a strange nightmare that I can't seem to wake up from.
Right now, today, this moment..I am craving a cigarette so bad. I am going to go outside and deep breathe for a little until I can get past it. I have quit for 10 months now. Wow. I never thought I would ever be able to be without. I am still hating this weight gain and sitting on my a$$. Argh. I have physical therapy on my shoulder again tomorrow. It helps so much, plus I love the massage. A step forward in the right direction.
I have had too many friends go through some really hard times...and still going. It makes my worries seem petty in comparison. That is about the only good I see in their situations. The other part on my mind is another hurt. I am hoping that the person who posted a video I found very awful, didn't post it for that reason or for others they might know. I am so hoping they were a bit clueless. Otherwise, I don't know. I think of it as beyond a prank, but intentionally trying to hurt someones psyche? My stomach turns over and hurts, that is really evil.
I find I am still astonished by the hurt we can do to each other, intentionally or otherwise. It makes me feel sad, and small. I want to curl up and huddle in a corner where I may feel safe. It also pisses me off..I told you I feel opposite emotions. I want to grab a chair and a whip. I'll be like a lion tamer and control what others can not, what others would fear to do.
Brave words, I have to find the right persona or steel in me to go on. I truly believe in karma, it will come around and bite or bless you. Some folks really don't realize how bad it can be. It can always be worse, it can always be better, the trick is finding the right balance and staying afloat when you need to. Have I cliched enough? LOL
I love the beauty in this world in people and art, music, knowledge. Sometimes the most simple of things can be so profound. Thanks. I got to try to get some rest ..thanks for listening. TTYAL
I have two moving companies coming over to give an estimate next week, I guess we are getting there. I wish I wasn't so tired and that I was a little more excited. I am not. Apprehensive is more the feeling, I am not looking forward to all the hassles. I guess I am wishing troubles ahead of myself. It is just that the last move didn't go so well. I had hoped for so much and none of it came true. Most of my three years here in the desert have been a strange nightmare that I can't seem to wake up from.
I have had too many friends go through some really hard times...and still going. It makes my worries seem petty in comparison. That is about the only good I see in their situations. The other part on my mind is another hurt. I am hoping that the person who posted a video I found very awful, didn't post it for that reason or for others they might know. I am so hoping they were a bit clueless. Otherwise, I don't know. I think of it as beyond a prank, but intentionally trying to hurt someones psyche? My stomach turns over and hurts, that is really evil.
I find I am still astonished by the hurt we can do to each other, intentionally or otherwise. It makes me feel sad, and small. I want to curl up and huddle in a corner where I may feel safe. It also pisses me off..I told you I feel opposite emotions. I want to grab a chair and a whip. I'll be like a lion tamer and control what others can not, what others would fear to do.
Brave words, I have to find the right persona or steel in me to go on. I truly believe in karma, it will come around and bite or bless you. Some folks really don't realize how bad it can be. It can always be worse, it can always be better, the trick is finding the right balance and staying afloat when you need to. Have I cliched enough? LOL
I love the beauty in this world in people and art, music, knowledge. Sometimes the most simple of things can be so profound. Thanks. I got to try to get some rest ..thanks for listening. TTYAL
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