still here for another round.

The other day was my birthday, thanks for the wishes. I share the day with quite a few folks. One of my cousins, one of my Facebook friends, two of my former co-workers daughters, and one of the actors from the old 21 Jumpstreet.. plus, who knows? It is an awesome day to be born. I have always loved birthdays and hope I always will.

I have a lot of folks my age complain about being old or getting old, whatever. Isn't that the point to life? I admit that some things don't work as well as they use too. I would love to have certain aspects of my younger body back. I wouldn't want to have to go back and re-live any of it. What a horrible thought! I had enough problems the first time round. Oh hell, no. Even knowing what I know now, yikes! I think that would make it  even worse. I like to think the choices I have made, whether right or wrong, had a reason to it. This is where and how I am supposed to be.

I could use some tweaking. LOL

I had such a great birthday. It was a beautiful day that I spent with my kids and puppy. I went and got my free grand slam for dinner at Denny's. I had waffles for breakfast and my kids snuck candles in. I had phone calls from friends, relatives and my hubby and a birthday card from my mom-in-law. I had so many well-wishes on FB it was mind-blowing. I thanked as many as I could. I hope I didn't miss any one. It makes you feel so loved. The fun part as compared even to last year wasn't the number of friends but that I knew just about all of them. Some I knew before FB, others after. A lot I wouldn't recognize if I met them in person, but so many I talk to on a regular basis.

The next day was harder, I am back into my computer addiction. I have explained Facebook addiction a bit, solitaire I play to numb my mind. I read on the internet a lot too. I try to do other things. I hate housework, I do dishes, laundry, shopping all those "housewife" things. I take walks and bike rides. My ladies group ended up cancelling again. This is sad, I could have used the interaction. I talked about this with a friend of mine. I get really shaky and upset when I am away from my computer for too long.

When I get back on, whew. The peace just settles in. I can laugh, cry, be myself. I am an addict, but a very weird one I think. My therapist says that I am not as "crazy or messed up" as I think I am. He says most people aren't. I highlight those words as those are my labels. The problem occurs as with all addictions with the intensity of it. I spend most of my waking hours on-line. I have gotten better, but I am still way over. My balance is so off-kilter right now and I know it.

I can't seem to get back to my own program. I am still not smoking, or drinking or using my scripts wrong. I am not doing as good as I want though. Oh, hell..just talking about this is making me nauseated. Unresolved issues. I can laugh here, even though it does make me sad.

I have heard so many people  complaining about non-Americans, race, religion, sex..I don't understand all the hate. We live on a globe, people. We have divvied up the land and wealth available into different continents, countries. In the U.S., there are zones.. we have states and cities and then neighborhoods, so many different cultures and religions and people all divided up or mixed up. There are a lot of other countries that hate us, some with reasons, some without.

I don't know. I don't have any answers to that. Other than on an individual level I think most people would be okay with each other, but then again, maybe not. I have a lot of ex-roomies if I saw again I would shoot first and then apologize. Oops, my bad..not to kill them but to make them hurt and bleed a bit. Yes. You can think badly of me. Some of this I am just over-exaggerating, truthfully? Some of them would be happy to hurt me, too. *Sigh, and I am usually a very nice person, or try to be.


I am not a hippie-flower child asking or promoting free love. I think we all have to find our own inside answers and then go from there. It is a continual process. I learn something every day about myself and the world and my place in it. I have also realized that I can't learn everything and never will. There is too much out there. I was sad or overwhelmed at first with this thought. Not anymore, it is more a comfort. I have limits.

 Whether I am laughing at a joke, or admiring art, or crying over the loss of a friend...it is all here. This is it. We can't go anywhere else, we have to figure out how to get along together, or not. Maybe 2012 is the last year?  Rich, poor, black, brown, white, American, Chinese, Russian, atheist, Buddhist, Islamic, Christian and on and on..however it is decided. America is still the experiment, but isn't the only option available. Communism failed.

I am getting way too serious here, and I am not even sure what my point is. I hate hypocrisy. Be true to who you are. If you aspire to be a jerk, and have succeeded, don't be surprised that you piss people off. If you preach love and responsibility, and think people shouldn't judge you for how you look, then why are you judging others for their skin color, or work ethic or ethnicity. I have to stop now. I think I am being to rant.

I need to get my day started, and go out and soak up some sunshine and good will. If I can't find that from others today, I will make my own and spread it around. Thanks for listening as always.

I am still here for another round, time to say thanks for all I have seen. It is beautiful isn't it?