My family is all asleep. I am downstairs blogging in the lobby of a hotel in Utah. There is snow outside and the temperature has fallen below freezing. It is a big change-up from my desert in Southern Arizona. I am happy to be here. Wow! You can feel stressed and know it, but when it lifts? I feel almost dizzy, a different person. I have been very mellow and kind of dreamy. I love not being the person in charge, sometimes.
I have my kids 24/7 and that doesn't end when they are somewhere else or someone is taking care of them. My husband, being gone so much, has to reconnect. I don't get very many opportunities to just disengage a bit.. Whew!
It is different looking at my life today, compared to even a week ago, let alone a year or a few more. Self-knowledge can be a very dangerous thing. I have come so far so fast this past year. I know there are so many challenges ahead for me and my little family. My upcoming surgery, birthday's, holidays, therapy, and using what I have learned so far and applying it. My husband is an alcoholic, he refuses to admit that to himself. I am an addict, also. I so understand that denial. I have found different ways to "use" that don't require chemicals. Yes, he knows that I think he is an alcoholic. He also knows that I post about it.
I am still smoke-free. I crave them at times, though less often now. Sometimes cigarette smoke from others smells super-sweet to me. Other times, it reeks. Bad. My super skill of hyper-smell has become even more problematic. Most food doesn't taste that great too me. The food that does, tastes incredible. Mostly foods with a ton of fat or sugar. I have been over-eating. OMG, none of my pants fit for this trip. Not good at all, I am supposed to be losing weight..not the other way around. Aargh.
The kids are loving it here. Renee, my daughter, has especially missed snow. I can say without a doubt that I have not. I have missed Fall, seeing the trees here made me realize how much. The mountains here are beautiful. They bug me a bit. I mean, they are always there. I can't explain it. lol.. I am such a Midwesterner.
The one thing about mountains, you can't see them at night. Weird, they are still there and you know it but, you don't see them at all. My life, my levels, my problems past, present and future. They remind me of the mountains, unbelievably huge and all around. Tonight it is dark, so I don't have to face them. I am not hiding from the facts. I am just taking a natural break. I will see and deal with what I have too when the morning comes. If I want out of the darkness and to get anywhere. I am still here, now. I have been given that chance.
Thanks for listening as always..TTYL.
I have my kids 24/7 and that doesn't end when they are somewhere else or someone is taking care of them. My husband, being gone so much, has to reconnect. I don't get very many opportunities to just disengage a bit.. Whew!
It is different looking at my life today, compared to even a week ago, let alone a year or a few more. Self-knowledge can be a very dangerous thing. I have come so far so fast this past year. I know there are so many challenges ahead for me and my little family. My upcoming surgery, birthday's, holidays, therapy, and using what I have learned so far and applying it. My husband is an alcoholic, he refuses to admit that to himself. I am an addict, also. I so understand that denial. I have found different ways to "use" that don't require chemicals. Yes, he knows that I think he is an alcoholic. He also knows that I post about it.
I am still smoke-free. I crave them at times, though less often now. Sometimes cigarette smoke from others smells super-sweet to me. Other times, it reeks. Bad. My super skill of hyper-smell has become even more problematic. Most food doesn't taste that great too me. The food that does, tastes incredible. Mostly foods with a ton of fat or sugar. I have been over-eating. OMG, none of my pants fit for this trip. Not good at all, I am supposed to be losing weight..not the other way around. Aargh.
The kids are loving it here. Renee, my daughter, has especially missed snow. I can say without a doubt that I have not. I have missed Fall, seeing the trees here made me realize how much. The mountains here are beautiful. They bug me a bit. I mean, they are always there. I can't explain it. lol.. I am such a Midwesterner.
The one thing about mountains, you can't see them at night. Weird, they are still there and you know it but, you don't see them at all. My life, my levels, my problems past, present and future. They remind me of the mountains, unbelievably huge and all around. Tonight it is dark, so I don't have to face them. I am not hiding from the facts. I am just taking a natural break. I will see and deal with what I have too when the morning comes. If I want out of the darkness and to get anywhere. I am still here, now. I have been given that chance.
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