Today, today was different. Different is good. From Ground Hog's Day, the movie.
I have one thought after another fly by. I'll get the hardest out of the way first. I still hesitate talking about God, not only because of past issues. I can talk about sex and be completely at ease. God is more personal and private. Am I embarrassed by it? Sometimes, yes..people talking about their religion and beliefs can make me uncomfortable at times. So me, talking about mine..um, yeah.
It always amazes me that "God" loves me. I don't feel worthy and at other times feel cursed. Why me Lord? for either side of the coin..my crazy duality where I see, feel, hear both. Call me nuts, but God does talk through me at times. The words flow and I have to say them, afterwards I can not believe what I wrote, or barely remember. It is beautiful and inspiring writing. This can make me feel honored and to tell the truth..honestly and totally freaked out.
I have had a couple people call me an angel, I know at times I have a message. I hope it reaches where it is supposed to and helps those who need it. I have had a few "angels" talk to me too. Right time, right place and the words hit my soul. I also have a dark side, it talks too and I can sometimes spot it. It sadly comes out in anger, with my kids and puppy. I am learning to not let it control me. The anger, frustration, isolation of my life takes its toll. Tonight I went out and talked with a group of new lady friends. It was sweet.
I am going through medical issues and am tired of whining about it for now. I see another new doc Monday and am hoping with a grain of salt. I am so sick of feeling sick.
I am too tired to write more tonight, sleep will be a blessed relief. Your levels are about finding your own beliefs and trying to incorporate them into your day-to-day. My levels too..good nite all and thanks for listening. TTYAL.
I have one thought after another fly by. I'll get the hardest out of the way first. I still hesitate talking about God, not only because of past issues. I can talk about sex and be completely at ease. God is more personal and private. Am I embarrassed by it? Sometimes, yes..people talking about their religion and beliefs can make me uncomfortable at times. So me, talking about mine..um, yeah.
It always amazes me that "God" loves me. I don't feel worthy and at other times feel cursed. Why me Lord? for either side of the coin..my crazy duality where I see, feel, hear both. Call me nuts, but God does talk through me at times. The words flow and I have to say them, afterwards I can not believe what I wrote, or barely remember. It is beautiful and inspiring writing. This can make me feel honored and to tell the truth..honestly and totally freaked out.
I have had a couple people call me an angel, I know at times I have a message. I hope it reaches where it is supposed to and helps those who need it. I have had a few "angels" talk to me too. Right time, right place and the words hit my soul. I also have a dark side, it talks too and I can sometimes spot it. It sadly comes out in anger, with my kids and puppy. I am learning to not let it control me. The anger, frustration, isolation of my life takes its toll. Tonight I went out and talked with a group of new lady friends. It was sweet.
I am going through medical issues and am tired of whining about it for now. I see another new doc Monday and am hoping with a grain of salt. I am so sick of feeling sick.
I am too tired to write more tonight, sleep will be a blessed relief. Your levels are about finding your own beliefs and trying to incorporate them into your day-to-day. My levels too..good nite all and thanks for listening. TTYAL.
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