Jaded..so jaded.

I feel so human in my own skin. My emotions? I am angry and fed up with my life, myself, my body and all my petty problems. Whatever. I know I can't sleep right now. I am so wound up. This is beyond stupid as I have been exhausted all day.

You, my blog audience, are all I have to talk to right now. God, too. I don't know if we have been on the same wavelength or frequency. I am not feeling or hearing anything but static. Go figure. I am trying to do the best I can in most ways, but I seem to fall so short.

I really don't know what to do anymore.

This blog is my attempt to connect, or figure things out. Let the torrent of my thoughts wash over and help me heal to find my sanity. I am still not there, yet. I don't think there truly is an "ending". My life's journey through surgeries, kid, pets, marriage, addictions, friends, family..all of it. I was hoping in the process that I help other's through their own struggles.

My levels, my circles. I am back around facing myself and as always I find things I'd rather not know about myself. I also find good things and brilliant things. Does everyone go through this or is this just a struggle of the few? So many are just out to have fun, and seem to succeed. I am failing at that, I feel wound up and tight like a coiled up spring. This really isn't a good thing.

The clock is still moving tick, tick, tick and I am running out of time or I am going to be late. I hate both. I am almost always early, and have planned things out. I am not a spur-of-the-moment idea person.

 "Let's go do that?" is what other people say. I am the one that says..

 "Okay, sounds great lets go, let me grab this and this and this..." or "Whoa! Are you kidding? No way."

 If I am with other people that are like me it gets monotonous. "What do you want to do?"

 "I don't know, what do you want to do?"

"Um, huh..I don't know." Silence. (AWKWARD)

If I am not actively planning for my future where am I going to end up? I am having a hard enough time trying to get through the present. I told my FB friends the other day that my life is unbelievably boring with random periods of intense madness. I wish for the madness, but am afraid of it. Getting stuck in my rut is easy. You do the right things, say the right things and just plod along. I'd really rather have fun with it. Shake it up and be wild, different, and well, not so dull.

I still have laundry to do and I need to get my kid off to school on time. I haven't packed my hubby's lunch or set up the coffeemaker. I need to re-set my alarm and brush and floss. Okay. I am a grown-up. *sigh. Have a good night everyone.


This was from the other night. I did get sleep and feel much better. Today was okay. I ended up chatting with a few people I really don't like. That is not a very long list, I am usually very easy going. It bothers me, as I think I should be a better person than that, but then I just have to let it go. No more. The worst part of it is thinking that I give other people that same distaste? I hope not. I pray not.

Space picture..beautiful and sad as this is multiple dying stars.

Thanks for listening to me as always. I hope everyone has a beautiful blessed moment filled with inner peace. That may sound hippy freakish, but it isn't. It is beautiful. TTYAL.


I don't own any rights to this picture. The title to this blog is the song by the Rolling Stones. I don't know why it keeps playing in my head.