With a Grain of Salt..

When I start these I really don't quite know what direction I'll be ending up in..much like my driving sense or my life for very many years. One bonus to getting older is learning what not to do, either because you have already done it or you saw someone else choke and burn. Experience is the greatest of all teachers.(pretty sure that's a quote from someone)

I had a life-changing experience about 4 weeks ago...wasn't expecting it, for sure wasn't asking for it..at least I didn't think so. LOL, the subconscious  is a "tricksy" kind of place, and mine seems to keep throwing out more loops then I think it really needs to. But then again, what do I know? ;-)

Found out I was an addict, and not just any kind of addict..a "sex" addict. Ewww...the worst sort and I couldn't deny it, even as my soul shriveled up in a tight litttle ball and cried. WTF! My whole life view and image of myself turned upside down and backwards, inside out. My mind, body and spirit started cracking. I did find help..a lot here from this person, a bit there from another, a whole lot there from a stranger who became a friend, a bit more there, etc..forever grateful for every single one.

I also, being brave and/or stupid  ripped open some of my past memories to face some of my inner demons. Too much? can't say for sure.. My mind imploded..sanity?? lolol..um.. no. With all of this came a flood of emotions, knowledge, physicality, and the full-force of all my previous desires, in a crazy mix of self-hate, despair, longing, and God knows all. Holy Hell..

Here comes the grain of salt, I am still here and getting back together piece by piece...and have found resources and guidance that were never available to me before..:-) I have skated the edge of sanity all my life, sometimes way too much one way or the other. Now, I am finding a better balance and even better answers. There is a few medical mysteries in this puzzle, and a whole lot of other things as well. There is no "magic cure or instant success" story here..BUT..compared to so many..I am so damn lucky...and alive and healthy to write about it.

These weeks have taught me again the importance of true friends and family, the fragility of life, humility, and just how endless my love for my 'strange children' is and my husband, Mark...and that there is hope for all of us each and every day.

Now I just need a paying job so I can afford my therapist...LOL..but so true.

"Circumstances don't make you. They reveal you. How you respond to the life God offers you is what makes you. **quote** from messages from God..."

Have a great day, make someone smile or laugh, hold a hand for someone who cries..truly listen to another human being without judgement, share the beauty around you.. and you are already working on your next level. Thanks for listening.